Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Encourager

The past year I have been involved in a womens bible study at church. I have met some amazing women who love the Lord, but one in particular has caught my attention. She always had something good to say, not just in generalities, but specific bits of encouragement. Genuine interest in my endeavors, problems and joys. She is an encourager. This is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart lately. I find myself not wanting to settle, when I really need to remember that just because my best is better/different does not make someone elses best worse. I also realize that I am not the best at everything I do, but expect others to accept ME where I am. I have to remind myself to take a walk in their shoes and appreciate the effort, help and encourage growth...not eliminate or discount people because they are not the best, have not reached their goal/potential. I am sarcastic by nature, and find myself in regret more often than I should because of things I have said. I want to encourage, I want to teach, but also want to have/be the best in life. So I guess this all leads to the question, where is your hope?

In the past I have put more stock in what people around me thought of my life, talents, stuff, job, etc than in what God thought of these things. My heart is changing, but my habits are engrained. Step by step I guess, it's a process of change. God is working in me though.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

This weeks question

Are there people who want to believe in Jesus that aren't able to?

At first I thought NO! But then you said, are there people who want to be fit that aren't able, of couse! We have to choose to workout, eat right, and change our lifestyle.

How do I move myself to action? How do I overcome my weakness, my laziness? What is my motivator?

I know that there is treasure being stored up for me in His bank, but I find it so hard not to focus on the here and now, I want my cup to be overflowing, now. At the same time, I know that I don't lean on the Lord when I have plenty.

I don't want to struggle, strive, work, but know that the narrow path is not easy. It is this battle I must fight. Remind myself constantly that I mustdeny the desires of my flesh and change my lifestyle, change my desires.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The story of a girl...7

I went feeling unimportant to being infinitely important, a lifesource. Having children was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was no longer allowed to be selfish, I had to grow up. I had to re-evaluate my priorities. If I was going to raise Godly men, I had to be Godly. Not religious mind you, but a follower of Jesus. It was difficult in Denver to do this. We had lots of friends who weren't Christians, and a lifestyle that did not reflect my beliefs.
God provided opportunity for us to move in 2009 to Las Vegas, NM.  This wasn't my first choice of places to call home, but as my brother says, NM grows on you! We found a church, which just happened to be going through transition also, looking for a new pastor.

Monday, July 26, 2010

This is a story of a girl...6

My knight in shining armor, the love of my life, best friend, lover. Call him what you will, he saved my life. I met Jason at UPS. He worked on the airplanes that we loaded. I knew I would marry him from day 1, and it happened very fast! Eight months from our first date, we were married. The first 2 years were hard...with only 8 months under our belt, there was still a lot to get to know, and living with someone changes the whole dynamic of a relationship. I was a terrible communicator, and obviously had enough personal issues for the both of us. To add to the stress, I lost a pregnancy in the first year. I started seeing a councelor, again. We made it through, although there was doubt in my mind to this point as to whether I had made a good decision. The turning point for us was really Crossroads Community Church in Parker, Colorado. We found a great community of believers here, and began to actively seek God's plan for our relationship. This was the best season of my life. Once again, I felt very loved, accepted and truly had something to give/offer. I was not looking for anything, I was full and overflowing. We did service together, worked hard, and began to grow together.  

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

This is the story of a girl...5

Colorado Christian University...what can I say about this pivotal period in my life? I can't help but wonder how different my life would be if I had really been there. Although I was attending a Christian school, I spent less time with God than any other time in my life. I thought that everyone my age made choices like I was, that it was just a "stage" of life. As I talk to Christians my age, most were not involved in these things. I was so entwined with the secular way of life that I willing believed Satan's lies for my life.
 This was my first experience living with someone besides my family, thankfully a good one. The 3 girls that I roomed with this year have been some of my best lifelong friends. We have so many good memories together. They kept some light in my darkest hour, made me have a conscience. After my first year I chose to leave CCU and enroll at Metro State college of Denver. I say enroll instead of attend because I missed more classes than I attended. This year held more of the same, but with a much heavier heart. I was starting to see where my tracks were leading, but couldn't figure out how to get back from the point of no return.     

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

This is the story of a girl...4

For most of my life I defined myself by what made the people around me happy. When I was in the height of my depression, I stopped caring about what other people wanted me to do, and in turn stopped caring about what was good or right for me. I began to live my life with a very secular view, I immersed myself in things that made me feel good. It started with swing dancing. I took a couple lessons, and found that I was very good at it. I met a lot of fun people, none were Christians. After a few months I began to teach with some of the guys, spent all my free time at the clubs, started smoking (tobacco and marijuana), experimenting with other drugs and had multiple partners. I got a lot of praise in this environment, and for the first time in my life I felt like the star. Maybe this is why I could not see the grave I was digging. My life was kind of like Sheryl Crow's song says..."if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad." Looking back, the three years between the time I graduated high school, and when I met Jason were filled with everything I had been taught not to do. I lied to my family about pretty much every aspect of my life, under the illusion that it would keep them from worrying. The truth is that I knew I was off track and was embarrassed. While most things I was doing were not bad in and of themselves, my motivations were. I was mad at God for letting me be sick, for ruining my life. 

Thursday, July 8, 2010

This is the story of a girl...3

I graduated high school on time, just barely, and continued my education for the sole purpose of keeping health insurance. I did not want to go to school, so I only applied to 1 school. Thankfully I was accepted to Colorado Christian University. I stopped trying to kill myself in the literal sense, and moved to a more dangerous method, sex, drugs and alcohol. I was drunk or high almost everyday. I was going to school, waiting tables and teaching dance lesssons, running. Running from what? From my disease, from my choices, from my depression, from God. I continued on this path of destruction until I met my husband. Jason made me want to be a better person. It is sort of amazing to me that one person could have such an impact on the course of my life. We dated only 6 months before we were married. September 29, 2001 was the day...it seems fitting to me that the best day in my life to this point came just after one of the most destructive in our nation's history. We started going to church together, and although my life was not together, it seemed there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

This is a story of a girl...2

I accepted Christ as my savior when I was 13, but had never had any event in my life to really warrant a "savior". At 15 my world got rocked. On a day I can see vividly, my friends at basketball said it looked like my eyes were glowing. I was severly jaundice. We saw a doctor, and they poked and prodded, but could not figure out what was wrong with me. I can't remember how long this went on, but I do remember being terrified that I was quarintined. I never really thought about dying...looking back, certainly a real possibility. Finally, I was diagnosed and started on the worst drugs in the world to suppress my immune system. The drugs weren't near as bad as the withdrawl...I became depressed, but did not communicate my needs with anyone. I started failing classes at school and withdrew from family and friends. It got so bad that I started to cut myself, stopped eating, andeventually took a whole bottle of Tylenol. Fortunately my stomach didn't digest it...I have never thrown up so much. After a short stay at the mental hospital and much therapy, I guess I decided life was worth living. But not really.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

This is a story of a girl...

When I first started to ponder the story of my life, I started where I usually start...in comparison. I feel my life is inconsequential, boring, not exceptional. I did not go into the military like my brother and sister. I have not traveled the world or saved anyone's life. I have not taken anyone's life either. I do not have my degree, or really any plan to get it, yet. However, as I really thought about who I am today and how I got here, I realized that it us quite an amazing story. I was born and raised in small town America, in a Christian home where lots of people loved me. I am naturally talented in many areas, but I prefer to be comfortable rather than exceptional. (I am working to change this about myself) I did well in school, sports, music, and enjoyed being as busy as possible. I was normal...until I wasn't. 

Monday, June 21, 2010

A new beginnig

I am starting to make adjustments to this new life that we embarked on more than a year ago. I sometimes feel I will never fit in, that I will always be just a visitor in my own life. I know this is not the truth, but why does it take so long to feel, really feel like you belong somewhere?I have some friends, but they mostly still feel like aqaintances. It is nice to have family close, I just wish it was my side sometimes. I miss my old life, but am trying to move forward. In a time of so much change, I just want some more of the same old!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

First week of School

The first week of school was eventful to say the least! Cody was very excited to start preschool with his cousin Cole, and showed me around the room.

The night before, getting backpack and clothes set out and ready to go.
And he's off...

His cubby and desk...

After such a great first day, we had great expectations for a great semester, but the second day did not go so well. Cody fell and cut his head open on a chair, and I had to pick him up early from class to go get it glued back together.

This week at school has gone well, much less eventful!